Fess Up Friday

So apparently I am turning the light hearted Fess Up Friday (hosted by the lovely Brooke at Mommy in Chief– go say hi!) into confess to the interwebs all of my worst qualities. Last week? My no good grumpy moods. This week?

1) Control.Yep, I am a big control freak. Try as I might to curb it, I am just not happy unless I am in charge. My. Poor. Husband. I need to figure out how to let it go. I am driving even myself nuts!

2) Anger. I didn’t used to be an angry person, but I find post-pregnancy that I get angry in a way I never used to. And it is more often then I should. And it is totally irrational. Don’t worry- I don’t get angry at my kid (well, I do swear under my breath before I open her door at 3am when she wakes up screaming). I just sometimes feel mad and I clench my teeth. Usually over something so utterly stupid that I can’t even believe I am mad. Which makes me even angrier.

3) Over reaction. Yep, I do that too. My husband (seriously, I don’t know how it puts up with me) says something small, not a big deal, in passing. And I flip out. Again, I have no idea why. I need to simmer it down. What is wrong with me?

4) I wish I had time to myself. I love being back at work. I do. But there is one thing I sooooo miss. That time I got to myself for an hour or two a day while A was taking a nap. I got that time, to myself, to be alone. Now, the way I get time alone is if I either sequester myself in a hidden room OR if my husband takes A out on the weekend. I can’t get that time daily like I used to. I miss it. A lot. I need that time to calm down, think, relax and re-group. But how do I get that when I am running around until 8:30pm at night, at which point there is about an hour (yeah, I go to bed EARLY) before I crash and I have barely said a word to my husband yet. I want to spend time with him, but I feel selfish because I want even more to just be alone.

I can’t do everything. But I need to find some balance so I can get my sanity back.

5) I need to start exercising. And eating better. People, I need to loose some weight. I know, not a very original confession, but it is true. I feel crappy about myself. I lost a good 40 lbs before I got pregnant (and I still needed to lose an other 30 at that point), and now I am not far from where I was before I lost the weight. All that work and I have to do it all over again. It sucks. I am mad at myself that I haven’t really gotten serious about it. But I feel like I don’t have time. I am already exhausted, have no time to myself and no time for my husband… how I am I going to fit an exercise routine in there? Isn’t there some thing that exercises you while you sleep? That is what I need. Or maybe just less cookies and chocolate.

6) My chocolate addiction is out of hand. It is my office’s fault. We always have chocolate and it lives on the counter behind my desk. It needs to go away. I can’t seem to go a day without it now. Especially at 3pm. Agggg!!!

Okay. I am done. Feel much better now.

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8 responses to “Fess Up Friday

  1. ironicmom April 9, 2010 at 7:49 pm

    I am with you, in number 5 especially. I have trouble making time to exercise. Unless you call getting my hear trate up when I’m stressed “exercise”…

  2. Bree April 9, 2010 at 8:07 pm

    Will had a great exercise routine going for a while: he would take Wes to the community centre, where they have childcare for gym users, work out for an hour and then take Wes to the pool for an hour. Maybe something like that would work for you? It kind of combines ‘me’ time, fitness and quality time.

    It’s definitely a challenge to find time for kids, work, husband and house.time for yourself is usually what gets cut back, but if you need that time to recharge then you end up top drained to be the mom, wife and worker you want to be.

  3. Megan April 9, 2010 at 11:17 pm

    Kathleen, I so feel you on all of this. I feel bad for my husband as well. I seem to get upset with him over every, little thing. I don’t really get mad at the baby, but I can get very annoyed with her. Much like you, walking into her room at 3 A.M. can get on my nerves, much like her tantrums. I’m lucky that I get time to myself when she goes to bed since my husband works nights, and I can totally imagine how frustrating it would be not to have that.

    So, don’t beat yourself up. Your feelings are very, very normal. 🙂

  4. Perpetua April 10, 2010 at 5:19 am

    Yep, what Megan said. Not that it makes your situation better, but it’s all normal. A lot of us are right there with you–a pile of stuff to do at 8 PM, with a 9 or 10 PM bedtime fast approaching. And husbands? What are those? Oh, right the dudes who add to the laundry pile. 🙂

  5. Susan April 10, 2010 at 8:09 am

    I love the honesty and simplicity of your “confessions”.

    I, too, have a chocolate problem. And I think it’s serious. We cannot keep chocolate in the house, because I will eat it all. Sometimes we’ll get some, say as a present, and then a few days later my husband will say, “hey, where’d you put that chocolate?”. And I’ll just look at him and say “where do you think?”

    Sometimes, like around halloween and it’s necessary to have chocolate on the premises, my husband will hide the chocolate from me. Somewhere deep in the house. But I always find it. Always. I have a radar.

    That’s an amazing feat to lose the weight you lost. The balanced eating and excercise thing is a big challenge, I believe, in the busy life of parents. Well, for anyone. But if you want it and and just start, it will come. It’s about one choice, one day at a time. You can do whatever you set your mind to.

    Wow, that’s a rambling comment. But main point – liked your post!

  6. disgruntledacademic April 10, 2010 at 3:46 pm

    This post struck such a chord with me that my comment morphed into its own post:

    http://disgruntled.tumblr.com/post/511541157/mental-health-day

  7. Sophie April 16, 2010 at 1:41 pm

    I don’t know either how people manage to exercise. For now, the only way I have found that works is to get pregnant : I love Fit for 2 classes (pregnancy fitness). It is the only exercise class (with “mommy and baby fitness”, given by the same instructor) that I have actually attended regularly with enjoyment, probably because the social aspect of it is at least as important as the fitness. So I knew once I got pregnant, I would go back to it, and I will exercise once a week until I have to go back to work when my baby is one. After… Don’t know. No idea how I will find the time with two kids under 5 – not to mention the money if I cannot find the motivation to do it on my own and need to take a class…

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