So apparently I am turning the light hearted Fess Up Friday (hosted by the lovely Brooke at Mommy in Chief– go say hi!) into confess to the interwebs all of my worst qualities. Last week? My no good grumpy moods. This week?
1) Control.Yep, I am a big control freak. Try as I might to curb it, I am just not happy unless I am in charge. My. Poor. Husband. I need to figure out how to let it go. I am driving even myself nuts!
2) Anger. I didn’t used to be an angry person, but I find post-pregnancy that I get angry in a way I never used to. And it is more often then I should. And it is totally irrational. Don’t worry- I don’t get angry at my kid (well, I do swear under my breath before I open her door at 3am when she wakes up screaming). I just sometimes feel mad and I clench my teeth. Usually over something so utterly stupid that I can’t even believe I am mad. Which makes me even angrier.
3) Over reaction. Yep, I do that too. My husband (seriously, I don’t know how it puts up with me) says something small, not a big deal, in passing. And I flip out. Again, I have no idea why. I need to simmer it down. What is wrong with me?
4) I wish I had time to myself. I love being back at work. I do. But there is one thing I sooooo miss. That time I got to myself for an hour or two a day while A was taking a nap. I got that time, to myself, to be alone. Now, the way I get time alone is if I either sequester myself in a hidden room OR if my husband takes A out on the weekend. I can’t get that time daily like I used to. I miss it. A lot. I need that time to calm down, think, relax and re-group. But how do I get that when I am running around until 8:30pm at night, at which point there is about an hour (yeah, I go to bed EARLY) before I crash and I have barely said a word to my husband yet. I want to spend time with him, but I feel selfish because I want even more to just be alone.
I can’t do everything. But I need to find some balance so I can get my sanity back.
5) I need to start exercising. And eating better. People, I need to loose some weight. I know, not a very original confession, but it is true. I feel crappy about myself. I lost a good 40 lbs before I got pregnant (and I still needed to lose an other 30 at that point), and now I am not far from where I was before I lost the weight. All that work and I have to do it all over again. It sucks. I am mad at myself that I haven’t really gotten serious about it. But I feel like I don’t have time. I am already exhausted, have no time to myself and no time for my husband… how I am I going to fit an exercise routine in there? Isn’t there some thing that exercises you while you sleep? That is what I need. Or maybe just less cookies and chocolate.
6) My chocolate addiction is out of hand. It is my office’s fault. We always have chocolate and it lives on the counter behind my desk. It needs to go away. I can’t seem to go a day without it now. Especially at 3pm. Agggg!!!
Okay. I am done. Feel much better now.