Fess Up Friday

So apparently I am turning the light hearted Fess Up Friday (hosted by the lovely Brooke at Mommy in Chief- go say hi!) into confess to the interwebs all of my worst qualities. Last week? My no good grumpy moods. This week?

1) Control.Yep, I am a big control freak. Try as I might to curb it, I am just not happy unless I am in charge. My. Poor. Husband. I need to figure out how to let it go. I am driving even myself nuts!

2) Anger. I didn’t used to be an angry person, but I find post-pregnancy that I get angry in a way I never used to. And it is more often then I should. And it is totally irrational. Don’t worry- I don’t get angry at my kid (well, I do swear under my breath before I open her door at 3am when she wakes up screaming). I just sometimes feel mad and I clench my teeth. Usually over something so utterly stupid that I can’t even believe I am mad. Which makes me even angrier.

3) Over reaction. Yep, I do that too. My husband (seriously, I don’t know how it puts up with me) says something small, not a big deal, in passing. And I flip out. Again, I have no idea why. I need to simmer it down. What is wrong with me?

4) I wish I had time to myself. I love being back at work. I do. But there is one thing I sooooo miss. That time I got to myself for an hour or two a day while A was taking a nap. I got that time, to myself, to be alone. Now, the way I get time alone is if I either sequester myself in a hidden room OR if my husband takes A out on the weekend. I can’t get that time daily like I used to. I miss it. A lot. I need that time to calm down, think, relax and re-group. But how do I get that when I am running around until 8:30pm at night, at which point there is about an hour (yeah, I go to bed EARLY) before I crash and I have barely said a word to my husband yet. I want to spend time with him, but I feel selfish because I want even more to just be alone.

I can’t do everything. But I need to find some balance so I can get my sanity back.

5) I need to start exercising. And eating better. People, I need to loose some weight. I know, not a very original confession, but it is true. I feel crappy about myself. I lost a good 40 lbs before I got pregnant (and I still needed to lose an other 30 at that point), and now I am not far from where I was before I lost the weight. All that work and I have to do it all over again. It sucks. I am mad at myself that I haven’t really gotten serious about it. But I feel like I don’t have time. I am already exhausted, have no time to myself and no time for my husband… how I am I going to fit an exercise routine in there? Isn’t there some thing that exercises you while you sleep? That is what I need. Or maybe just less cookies and chocolate.

6) My chocolate addiction is out of hand. It is my office’s fault. We always have chocolate and it lives on the counter behind my desk. It needs to go away. I can’t seem to go a day without it now. Especially at 3pm. Agggg!!!

Okay. I am done. Feel much better now.

Fess Up Friday: the oh woes me edition

My Confession? I had a crappy week.

And it was all my fault.

Seriously. A bunch of random, no big deal, things happened this week, which cumulatively have put me in a pretty big funk. You know, one of those “nobody likes me, everybody hates me, I think I’ll go and eat worms” kinda funk.

The stupid thing about it is that it is all my fault. Just about everything I either totally misinterpreted or took WAY too seriously. You see, I have this really bad tendency to be slightly over confident, until a couple little things happen and it all comes crashing down. Resulting in a major loss of confidence. Followed by a large amount of wallowing.

I have always thought of myself as a fairly confident person, in that I like who I am, faults and all. But I, like everyone else I suppose, care WAY too much about what others think and how I am perceived. I especially don’t like not being taken seriously.

But, back to the point- my mood this week is still my fault. I am the one who misinterpreted or took things too hard. And I am the one that needs to pull myself up and just let it go already. Sure, yeah, sometimes things suck. But it sucks way more feeling overly crappy about it then the actual thing that sucked in the first place. I often find myself giving this advice to others- I need to take my own advice.

Beyond that, confidence is more then liking who you are. You have to be able to have confidence in what you do and the choices you make as well. You have to have confidence that you have the abilities you think you have, even if don’t give others the chance to see them. See, again, it is confidence that sometimes stops me from stepping up and showing people what I am capable of. So my funk of a mood is all wrapped up in a tangled, complicated mess.

Time to move on.

And that is my Friday ‘Fession.

Now go and check out Brooke’s less wallowy Fess Up Friday.